INCOMPLETE

im dead!im so dead!

2005-05-20T19:30:00.000-07:00

i totally flunged my mids!!!okay!i spent more than three months not touching my guitar and more than two months without my blades..just to concentrate on my studies in order to pass my mid-year.so you think my hard work and sacrifices paid off?HECK NO!four glorious months wasted on nothing but shits spread over my report book as kaya.chee..i'd rather be spending those times doing what i wanted like learning my guitar and blading and blah blah blah,if i knew im gonna have such results for my mids!darn it!the marking scheme's totally wicked!its so strict that they wont accept certain words in your close passage!even if the word is correct, it'll not accepted!all the answers are standardised.and the markers were not even a lil bit lenient when marking our paper..so everybody ended up failing..even the smartest girl in my class!oh!darn it!this is total bullshit!im gonna get abused again if u wanna know.my mom's really strict about these kinda stuff,whether if it is a spot test that has only two questions or whatsoever.she just wont let me off that easily.she's worse than a tigress!shit!what am i going to do?damn!sheesh!if only my mom know that this is only a wake up call.and if only she knew that the smartest girl in class failed too!then she might take everthing lightly...im dead!come to my funeral.

`boom

im burnt!!!

2005-05-17T12:22:00.000-07:00

okay..i went sentosa on sunday and monday..to put my mind off that stupid problem of mine.i dont wanna get into depression.people might think im mad later.but anyway..it was really fun tanning and splashing water everwhere like some mad elephant with my cousins, sister and friends on those two days..and i mean real fun.
i was being forced to strip.so that people can see my imperfect body with all the fats oozing out of my pants and my sports bra...which is sooo..err.i dont know.turn-off?but they said im not fat which is so not true cos im fat and thats a fact.hahs.you can say im demoralizing myself..but i dont care..
ohh..and on monday,the day i went with my friends,we planned a barbecue.'its gonna be so much fun'.we thought.but dream on..we got caught for barbecueing..it NOT ALLOWED!!!!aww man!and we were given a pathetic 1/2 hour to get all the food cooked!thats all we were given..!if not,we'll get kicked out of the beach!damn!hey..security guard man, the thing is,we didnt know that barbecueing isn't allowed.there are no signs or warning around saying that barbecueing isn't alowed..oh whatever..its all over already..and that 1/2 hour of barbecue was really fun anyway, though it was kinda rushy and all..but we managed to cook most of the kebabs and chicken.so..we were all satisfied..my turn to force sok kuan and zihui to strip..hahas.saw their sexy body..my eyes popped out.and felicia's bust was..err..well..er..firm i'll say.hahs.
hmm..okay.shall stop here for today..gg to cycle with cherie now.im at her house.
wheeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

`boom

EXAMS ARE O. V. E. R!!!!

2005-05-13T18:41:00.000-07:00

okay...so she's totally not herself today..appears to be reluctant to talk to me even though i still put on a cheerful front and was like talking to everybody i see.what's up with her?even if she read my blog and she's angry..so..?the main purpose why i posted all these stuff, was to let her know how i feel about her and to let her get my hint.but it seems like everything is screwed up.im so lost, completely..so i went to zhihui..i talked to her..she was damn good at counselling me la.anyway,she felt hurt too.but not as bad as i do.i dont fucking understand her and i just cant see why she's treating me like this.like.. "what the hell?" she will never ever see the amount of pain she had left me with.she will never know..and i just cant fucking understand why i would even cry today..i think i just couldn't take it anymore.i just cant accept the fact that i've been cheated on.im already on the verge of breaking down during physics paper today...and the more i thought about her,the more i wanna cry.and i mean cry out loud.like a baby.but i dint do it.i held my tears back and searched into my heart and finally found the courage to take everything lightly and still put on my usual brave front,acting like nothing has happened at all..but why..?i tried so hard to talk to her,and she just gave me answers which always ends every conversation.like i asked"hows ur oral?tough isnt it?"and she said.."okay lah.."so how am i supposed to carry on with that dumb conversation?everthing seemed so cold between us..i cant stand it anymore..urgh!someone!please help!ahh!i feel like crying again!!i can feel the warm tears arising into my eyes already..darn it!im not supposed to cry!but i cant fucking control my tears..!oh god!please enlighten me!im in a confusion now..the world is spinning like mad.i dont know what else more to do just to make that 'QUEEN' to be satisfied.ahh whatever.i wanna stop.im feeling dizzy.i wanna puke.

p.s. but so what?im still happy that exams are over!wheeeeeee!and i had a really good day today at town after school with mel,cherie,grace,geokling,perlie and erica.we really had a good time fooling around all the malls and getting caught by the shop-owner..hahs!imlaughing my arse off!

`boom

from yeaterdays feud;frustrations..

2005-05-12T12:32:00.000-07:00

ahh.yes.yesterday i was talking about her..but about today:today's accounts paper one was down right sucky.no one understands one fucking thing the questions were asking(excluding those smart-asses)..im gonna fail this paper.there's no way im going to pass that piece of junk.sry Sr. Jo..but i really dont know how to do it.so dont blame me for failing your paper...
hmm yes.lets continue about my draggy and boring yet meaningful(*ahem)story...

*you have been bragging on about how depressing your life is and how you lead a solitary life..blah blah blah...you are always in a sombre mood..always being pessimistic about everything..you cant stop demoralizing yourself..and i hate that.but i still accept the way you are ...i cant stop you frm being the way you want to be.
but why?why?why do you always have to say the word 'biang'?you know i hate it.and you used it against me.like,: "wah lau.you good la!always like that biang me.." , then i said "where got?", then you retorted"where got dont have.?you always go with melanie.den leave me all alone." aye.please la.you dont own me.i have my own life to live in.i can choose who i want and who i dont want to be with.i am free to do whatever i want okay?whats your prob man? and for your information..because you had your problems and needed help,i stayed to be with you.and my friendship with mel became distant.its was because of you that i had not been catching up with mel.is it wrong to be with your pals?you were practically controlling my life..so what if i wanna go with mel..?we were supposed to be chilling out together in the first place and you and i were not even close to begin with.okay.we are close.yes.close friends i dare say.but never as close as mel and i are right now.!are you trying to tear us apart?i think you are!so stop it with the "sorry leh.am i like stalling your time and stealing you away from mel?cos you looked like as if you wanna go with them..im sorry leh..hehheh."whatever la.im telling you now.HELL YES!I WANNA GO WITH THEM!but i know you needed someone and yokie wasnt really free at those very moments..so i denied and stayed with you..cos you said you feel lonely and needed someone to be with..so let me help you get this clear.i want to be with mel.i want to spend my time with her.but that doesnt mean that i dont want to be with you.because i was afraid of leaving you out,i asked if you wanted to join us.but you declined my offer.you said you will feel 'extra-ed'...hey..you said that yourself.its many times i've asked you to come along with us.but you dont want to.you created this problem.i didnt.and you are like blaming me for this now?im sorry to say this,but you are starting to become a nuisance in my life.you are plainly wanting me to stay with you and listen to all your soap opera scripts.please!stop being a solipsist for once!you know what?another thing i cant stand about you is that you always seemed to want people to console you and to listen to your problems,but have you ever given us people a thought?we are not your guardian angels.we are just your peers and friends.we are humans too you know?we have our own problems too.sometimes our problem might be far worse off than yours and there's no way we could solve it.this is not the end of the world you know?but when we want to tell you about our problems too;like me for example,you always looked distant and distracted,somehow you just look uninterested and wouldn't wanna give a damn about us.that is so selfish!then when i started to quest for advices,you just simply fob me off with some dumb answers like, "aiyah.just dont care lah.."wow!that sooo helped me with my problems?!then sometimes i caught you spacing out when im talking, so i snapped at you(sorry for that),but what you did was to paste on that zany smile of yours which totally turns me off..oh yeahh!and stop grabbing my hand.like,when you wanna talk to me about something personal or funny,you will just grab me with my arm and talk to me so close that i could practically smell your breath.not that it stinks,but its rather freaky you know.it completely freakes me out.and also,if i give you a reply and you are not satisfied with it,you will just throw my arms in the air so that it will just fly like some boomerang,just that, its stuck to my body..(hahs!)and you'll say "FINE LA!YOU GOOD!TREAT ME LIKE THIS..!"then you'll gimme that pathetic look that makes people wanna go to you and sayang you..please!im not that type of person.im not one who you can take me to scream at as and when you like.!!i've got my damn old freaking problem to WORRY ABOUT!!!!so please!let me be free.im not blaming you or anything.i just want you to let me live the way i want.and i wont leave you alone.i will still be here for you if you need me.but i still have my own private life too.im just requesting for the return of my freedom.thats all.i know i sound dramatic and all but thats me.dont judge me.let me be me.life must carry on.this is not the end of the world.God wil always make a way for ebery problem..
shall stop here.cant finish with this stupid problem anyway..

tmr's thee last paper!yay!

`boom

thank you hor..

2005-05-11T17:02:00.000-07:00

[verse one]
i thought that i could always count on you
i thought that nothing could come between us two
we said as long as we would stick together
we'd be alright.
we'd be okay.
but i was stupid and you broke me down
i'll never be the same again..
[chorus]
so thank you for showing me
that best friends cannot be trusted
and thank you for lying to me,
your friendship and good times we had
you can have them back
[verse two]
i wonder why it always has to hurt
for every blessing that you have to learn
i wont forget what you did to me
how you showed me things
i wish i'd never seen
but i was stupid and you broke me down,
i'll never be the same again...
[chorus]
so thank you for showing me
that best friends cannot be trusted
and thank you for lying to me
your friendship and good times we had
you can have them back...
[bridge]
when the tables turn again,
you'll remember me my friend,
you'll be wishing i was there, for you
i'll be the one you miss the most,
but you'll only find my ghost.
as time goes by,
you'll wonder why,
you're all alone..
[chorus]
so thank you for showing me
that best friends cannot be trusted
and thank you for lying to me
your friendship and good times we had
you can have them back!

2005-05-11T16:19:00.000-07:00

im angry.im pissed.there's nothing you can do.just stop cheating me and stop using me as whatever you might take me as.im not your dog.dont take me for granted.i take friendship seriously and i nurture it with loyalty.but you ruined everything.so get lost and stop dissing me with your pathetic lies.just go away and screw the damn wall if you like.i dont fucking care anymore okay..?i cant believe the way you treated me..i never imagined that you could go into this extent of being a liar.you bullshitter!i hate you!!!YOU BIG FAT LIAR!!!LIAR LIAR LIAR!!!!!!!!
you always go like this :"dont come bitch about me behind my back lah.aren't you the same..?blah blah blah.." WHATEVER LAH HUH?????i just stupidly trusted you only to know that those are all lies?dont come and tell me:"jan.no..sorry..those are true..i just wanna break the ice.i dont want any conflicts."aye!save your breath la.i cant trust you anymore when all you do is to lie to me and use me like its supposed to be.!get a life!i dont owe you a living!seriously.i dont feel like doing this,but i feel that i should and i must do it.im not the only one feeling this way about you.someone out there who you also confide to thinks and feels the same way as i do about you..i know you cant fucking change yourself..i think you should seriously go see a psycologist.its not that i think you have mental disorder or whatever shet you might think it is,but i really think that you are going bonkers up there in your head.after so many months of you being in my presence,i discovered that you are one lil sensitive creature who cant find her own world.who's lost in some weird planet.and you craved for help.and im here.but i dint know you would be so cruel as to betray your friend.!true friends dont betray each other you mother fucker!i see and hear you preach about your kinda rules bout friendship which i totally agree.but i dont see how you can actually not abide the rules you think are important in friendship and go wild stabbing people around who love you.im sorry for the foul language i used, but i just cant fucking help it.you made and forced me to do this.you cant blame me.im like this.this is the way i am.you know my limits.i told you already,i hate and i cant stand people who dont fucking appreciate me and take me for granted!so sue me!like i care?you are now nothing to me..get lost!..of all the things i've done for you..there's more to say.but i dont have the time.i'll just continue about how unsophisticated your behavior is,and how your petulancy had driven me up the walls tmr..i could practically scratch your face!
your petulancy,inhumanity,iniquity and insatiable greed will be carried on tmr.i need the spilling out.im sorry.but i need it.i just dont fucking care about you anymore okay..?!so sue me!!

`boom

two more days..

2005-05-11T14:58:00.000-07:00

pheew..!its a relieve to know that is only two days more and exams are over..!
but there's still the results to be worried of.ahh..whatever shits ya'll might say..:"janice!have confidence in yourself!you can do it..at least you are better than me in this..dont worry..its okay.stop demoralizing yourself lah jan!.."hey..u know what?those moral supports does no help!but thanks anyway.thanks for helping and encouraging me guys..i really appreciate it..but im still gonna get screwed by mommy in the end.i know im going to flung.and i mean almost every subs!!this is bad..
hmm..anyway,if im ever gonna be dead,please come to my funeral..moan for me.my favourite flower is sunflower..hahs.whatever.
next weeks gonna be a bomb!so is june 13!i can finally touch my guitar again!and cat promised to teach me play it..woohoo!this is sooo gonna be fun!im grinning like a mad cat like the one in 'alice in wonderland' right now..sorry.i just cant help it.hahs.oh!and about the 13th june,i heard my sis gonna throw party for her birthday.and there's gonna be chalet.im gonna play like mad!im going to spend the three days and two nights to the fullest!im gonna go high like some maniac on drugs.lols..cos i dont think im going to be able to have so much of fun anymore when term three starts.gosh!i hate the government for setting exams for students,,if only there were no tests and no exams..i know this is absurd.but who wants exams..?tell me!?im quite sure no one wants to have it.so all the mommys and papas, SHUT UP!

`boom!

2005-05-10T13:38:00.000-07:00

okay.im dumb,i created another blog.cos i hate my first one.
with geokling's help,i think my blog rocks now.
thank you ahh...ur magic hands is an advantage to me..
dont know what to say lah..
i know what im gonna fail alr.
:english
:chinese
:maths
:combined science
:combined humanities
equals to..almost everything.
hahs.whatever..at least i still pass my accounts..
heck whatever my mom says..so what if she's gonna screw me?
im used to all her bullshet..
im used to all her abuses..

'boom**